February 2023

My name is Shlomo. I’m 35 years old and currently, I live in Batumi. I see myself as a person who has been through a lot of things in life; who got to know himself and learned to love himself; who sets goals and slowly, but surely achieves them; who fights for the life he wants to have.

I’m a patient, generous, loving, and caring person. Also a perfectionist – I always want things to be perfect. Sometimes my traits indeed hurt me, but as the years go by, I learn to accept myself as I am.

Childhood and self-determination

I grew up in a religious family in Kiryat Malakhi, Israel. My father is a chief Rabbi and has a religious school. When I was 7 years old, my parents separated and I stayed with my mom. I didn’t grow up in a home with money and luxury. My mother had to work at 5-6 places to get enough money for us. My mother, sister and I were living together and my mother raised us alone. She was like a lioness, who fought for us to have everything we needed. In the town I grew up in, the majority of people are religious, and therefore the environment is very homophobic.

I have many childhood memories, some of them are good, some – not that much. The brightest memory for the kid who loves to sing is performing in front of thousands of people. Every winter in Israel, we have a big show in which famous singers from all over the country sing. I was chosen to sing with them. This memory lies deep with me and it follows me to this day.

Of course, I have bad memories too. For example, violence against children at home. Also, I was often bullied for being different. My most vivid memory is that once, my classmate took my bag and rolled me down the stairs in school. That led to a lot of injuries.

I started realizing that I was gay when I was 11 years old. That’s the age when boys start looking at girls and I noticed that I was attracted to boys. I was desperate and was wondering what was wrong with me. At first, I hated myself for that, I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. Being different wasn’t my choice, I wanted to be just like everyone else. Of course, I knew that if my family and friends found out I was gay, they wouldn’t accept me and wouldn’t trust me anymore. That’s why I was struggling with myself and trying not to be different.

For many years, I was living in a lie and tried to have relationships with women, I was even engaged to the woman. In Israel, when you turn 18, you join the army. Even there I pretended that I was “straight”, but inside I was screaming and crying, I wanted to tell everyone that I was gay!

I had many friends who chose to cut ties with me because I was gay. There were also those, who hugged me and said that they didn’t care who I was sleeping with.

The first process for me was turning from religious life to secularism. I still believe in God, but one can’t tell by my appearance that I’m religious. This step had huge feedback from my father’s family. They couldn’t accept that I was not religious anymore.

At the age of 21, when I finished my military service, I moved to Tel Aviv and met a boy who became my first boyfriend.

Accidental coming out and living in the streets

At that time, my family and friends didn’t know that I was gay. I started my relationship and we moved in together. He knew that my family was unaware of my sexual orientation and promised to keep it a secret until I won’t decided to tell them myself.

One day, I picked up my mobile after work and found numerous missed calls! I’ll never forget the number – 72 missed calls and all of them from my mother. I was sure that something happened to my grandmother. When I immediately called her, I heard yelling, the sound of smashing things and my sister crying. I had no idea what happened and when I asked my mother, she asked me in return: you tell me, who is the boy you are kissing on Facebook?

I was shocked. Surely, I thought that my mother confused me with someone else because my boyfriend knew that I was ” in the closet” [The term “being in the closet” describes a situation where a person does not share their sexual orientation or gender identity with anyone or a small group of people and it seemed impossible that he would post out the photo on Facebook. That minute, I entered the manager’s room and asked to open a Facebook page. I immediately saw a photo of my boyfriend and me kissing. There were also comments from his friends: “what a great couple”, “good luck”, etc. At that moment I felt that my world had been crushed. No need to say that our relationship was over. I couldn’t trust him anymore. I left home.

My mother, sister and I had this really close connection and this was the first time in my life when I was not talking to my mom anymore. It was a very hard experience for me. I even lost my weight and was 45 kg. All of that led to losing my job and debts. I couldn’t afford the rent and it happened that at the age of 23, I was sleeping in the streets of Tel-Aviv, with debts and worsened health conditions.

There were moments when I thought I would be better off dead—I had nothing left to lose. I was alone, no one was talking to me, and everyone avoided me.

After some time, I decided to call my aunt who lived near Tel Aviv. When she answered, tears flashed from my eyes and I said to her that I was in bad shape. She invited me over and when she saw me, she also started crying, because I was a man with no lust for life and who was only 45 kg. My aunt decided to let me stay and help with the recovery. That’s what happened.

Georgia is losing years of living side by side without hatred. After all, we are all human. One has blue eyes, the other has brown, one is taller the other is shorter, one likes girls, the other likes boys. We just want to live our lives like everyone else.

After a few months, I heard a knock on my aunt’s door. When I opened it, I found my mother at the door. I was shocked because a lot of time had passed since the last time we had spoken. She entered and set down. We both were silent. She came another day as well, then she called me and that’s how she slowly tried to keep in contact with me and we resumed our relationship. But my father still doesn’t accept the fact that I’m gay.

The most important thing for me is my mother. It took her a long road to accept me as gay. I was fighting with everyone to prove that I’m the same Solomon (Solomon The Wise – Old Hebrew שְׁלֹמֹה‎, Shlomo), the same person, and the fact that I like men, doesn’t make me a different person.

At first, I felt guilty that my family avoided me because I was gay. As the years passed, I realized that I had done nothing wrong, I was just living my life the way I wanted to. I had many friends who chose to cut ties with me because I was gay. There were also those, who hugged me and said that they didn’t care who I was sleeping with.

Obviously, the psychological damage was done to me during my time ” in the closet” in childhood and even after my coming out. I talked a lot with psychologists who helped me overcome difficult times.

Self-acceptance and 10 years of marriage with the man

Today, many years later, I am in a long-term relationship. I have been married to the man of my life for 10 years now. My mother accepts me for who I am and loves my husband and my life. I’m not saying it was easy. It was a very long process, but at the end of the road, I realized that it was worth it.

Georgia is missing out on what the queer community can give to the country. After all, queer people are very creative, these people strive for success, and Georgia is losing harmony among its citizens.

Georgia is losing years of living side by side without hatred. After all, we are all human. One has blue eyes, the other has brown, one is taller, the other is shorter, one likes girls, the other – boys. We just want to live our lives like everyone else.

I came to Batumi for the first time in 2018 and fell in love with this city and the country. As soon as I arrived, I knew I would live, work, and do good things for this city and country. And so it happened in 2019, I moved to Batumi with my husband. We have several businesses here and Georgians are employed everywhere. I don’t think I’ll be leaving the city anytime soon — even though I’m a singer in Israel with my audience, I still choose to be in Batumi and do good work for the city.

The first thing I would say to those on the way to self-determination is to stop and take a deep breath. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that everything will be okay no matter how you feel right now. You must understand that we did not choose how we came into this world — we are who we are because, as they say, someone up there decided it that way. You are beautiful the way you are! Love yourself and others will love you. I’m not saying it’s easy and I’m not saying it’s not a long process, but at the end of the road, there is great happiness. I can tell you that being gay is what got me to where I am today. And today, if there’s one thing I’m happy about, it’s being gay. Always remember that you were born this way! I hope my story gives you strength and inspiration.

I think there is no relevant information regarding the queer community in Georgia. When they hear the word gay, homophobes immediately think of a sexual act. That’s why there is homophobia. I think there needs to be proper communication about the queer community. We need to create spaces where heterosexual people can see queers as people, not necessarily related to a sexual act. It’s a long process, but we have to start it. Exactly for this purpose, we created Frida Bar, where you can meet a gay couple, a lesbian couple next to a straight couple. Everyone sits next to each other and learns to accept differences. This is the right way, it’s a miracle. A lot of work has been put in here and the process needs to start!

Change must begin with providing the right information. Queer and straight people need to make connections and get to know each other well. Common spaces should be created where everyone can spend time together like it is at Frida Bar. I can say that quite a few straight people came up to me at the bar and told me that thanks to Frida they learned to accept gay people and even formed friendships with them.

What keeps me going is my family, my husband, and my pets. We are also thinking about starting the surrogacy process next winter to become parents. In addition, the bar that I opened in Batumi is bringing changes to the city and that gives me strength. Not being able to be with my mother, my sister, grandmother, and nieces weakens me, but I try to continue to develop from here.

I hope to be a father of 3 lovely children in the next 10 years. Let me bring changes to Georgia. And, of course, hopefully, I’ll record songs as well.

I try to do more work instead of dreaming. Dreams are there for us to fulfill them. Thank God, all the dreams I had have come true. I have two left – I want to be a father and record songs. Of course, I dream that the world will learn to accept differences in people and finally, everyone will live in harmony.

Georgian queer activism provides full information about the gay community. By maintaining respect and patience, always be proud of who you are and what you are!

“I was born in Chiatura, in 1985, before the collapse of the Soviet Union. When I started thinking and remembering my life, there was an economic crisis, and if hardship was felt anywhere in Georgia, Chiatura was probably one of those cities. Virtually the entire industry collapsed, and like everyone else, my family had a hard time. As a result, we also followed the wave of internal migration and moved to Tbilisi at the end of the 90s”, – tells Giorgi Tabagari, the founder of Tbilisi Pride and civil activist.

Childhood and coming out

“I don’t often get back to my childhood. The good thing I remember is that I loved football very much and wanted to be a professional football player. This stage ended with my childhood – my parents dropped me out, between my studies and football, they chose studies. It was a very hard time. I remember negatively the crisis and hardship that my family went through. There was a period when we didn’t even have food,” says Giorgi, noting that it would probably be good for him to continue his career as a football player.

“I probably didn’t fully realize some things, for example, how I would feel in the city where I love to live”

He was about 10 years old when he saw the TV series Dynasty, where one of the characters had come out.

“On Georgian television, his words were translated as “I am blue”. I asked what it meant and no one gave me an answer. There was no information, including for older generations. Of course, in the process of self-determination, I had no information, people of our generation were a little oppressed in this respect, especially in Georgia, where there was no knowledge on any subject related to sexual education”.

With the availability of the Internet, more information became available. He was lucky and met friends with whom he could talk about these topics.

“Three friends of mine, we made a coming out together, they were the ones I told first. Identity was formed more vividly than before within these conversations and discussions”.

Quite late, in 2018, he came out with his parents. At that time, he often had to go abroad and live there, so he didn’t find it necessary until then, even though he has been involved in activism since 2012.

“My mother died of Covid and she couldn’t accept this information before her death, it was quite hard for her. This is not the best story for me to remember… I have two sisters and a father. I have a very good relationship with all of them. I also had a very good relationship with my mother, although relationships are layered, there are some things we don’t agree on, what we like or don’t like, but we still love people. This is the starting point for me and I think for them too”.

Photo: Vakho Kareli

He says that he can talk a lot about the importance of coming out, calling it obtaining freedom – being able to be who you are with the people closest to you. However, he also emphasizes that this is a difficult process and requires preparation, first of all, emotional.

“It’s not just about who you like. You have to live in a lie, and this lie is so painful that at some moment you reach the point where you just can’t take it anymore.”

Activism

“Everywhere I went, I went as a volunteer. I came to Inclusive because I was in a youth organization then and I wanted us to cooperate. The first person I met, if I remember correctly, was Eka Aghdgomelashvili, in the place where today is the office of Tbilisi Pride. Looking back from today’s point of view, it seems that I wanted to get involved right away, but I couldn’t see where and in what form it was possible”, Giorgi tells us, adding that he missed about 2 years because of this. Then he came to Identity, where meetings and film screenings were held. He says that as a result of these meetings and discussions, he grew a lot, besides, he met new people, activists of his generation, with whom he was later involved in the creation of the organization LGBT Georgia.

“Soon we will cross this line and then more people will think that it’s IT’S OKAY TO BE GAY”

Together with activism, he continued his studies abroad. He went abroad for the first time in 2007, for two years. However, he notes that at that time people weren’t thinking of fleeing the country, and on the contrary, they were returning to Georgia. He couldn’t imagine going somewhere and staying, so after 2 years he returned. But he often had to leave due to studies or work, and he says that actually until 2018, he was an emigrant.

“My attitude towards the country was changing from time to time – there was a period when I was dreaming of f*cking leaving Georgia, and vice versa when I was dreaming of returning. During this time, I lived in 7 countries, and I finally realized that for a long-term perspective, I wanted to return to Georgia”.

He recalls that 2018 was a period of active social movements in Georgia: White Noise Movement, underground spaces, Bassiani, Khidi, Horoom Nights. He says that every time he came back, he didn’t want to leave, especially to Warsaw, where he lived back then and where winters were very hard for him to endure. He cites activism as one of the reasons for his return – “Levan Berianidze was starting to establish the Equality Movement at that time and I remember he caught me one night on Basiani and we talked a lot about this topic”.

At that time, he was going to move to Brussels, where he had an internship offer at the European Commission and he wanted to do it, but finally, he decided to return to Georgia and work in the Equality Movement.

There were periods of regret. I was telling myself where the f*ck you were going, at the same time the situation worsened here, Basiani raid, etc. Bad things happened one after the another”, Giorgi says, adding that he doesn’t regret coming back from today’s point of view.

We all know that activism is not easy, especially LGBTQI activism in a country where homophobia still runs strong. Giorgi says that during these processes a lot of specific damage was done to him, both to his personal life and in terms of being safe in public spaces.

Photo: Vakho Kareli

“I probably didn’t fully realize some things, for example, how I would feel in the city where I love to live. At some point, I found myself uncomfortable while walking, there was a constant feeling of danger, you had to constantly look around, think about why others are looking at you, etc.”

“If we need legislative changes or advocacy on any topic, it has to be done through politics. Anyone who thinks otherwise is either deluding themselves or has ineffective methods of implementing politics”.

Despite many difficulties, Giorgi thinks that in recent years we have taken many steps forward in terms of queer rights, both from a legal and social point of view — “Today, there is almost no important club in Georgia that doesn’t organize queer parties. It can be seen as an entertainment event, but actually, it has a great social impact”.

In addition, Giorgi talks about the generational change, as well as the polls, according to which more people believe that LGBT rights are important. As for the legislation, he thinks that despite the constitutional change, according to which the family was defined as a union of a woman and a man, we have better legislation overall than it was, and this is also due to the anti-discrimination law.

“All this led to the fact that today we live in a better environment compared to the period when I started. There is an incredible difference. But now in the queer community, we have a migration problem and that’s probably the biggest challenge today. Despite this, I think that progress is irreversible and nothing can stop it – access to education has increased, and the new generation, also people under 50, are much more open to several issues than the previous generation. All this means that soon we will cross this line and many more people will think that it’s okay to be gay”.

Dividing and uniting

Giorgi finds the periods of May 17, 2018, and July 5, 2021, as the most difficult in terms of activism — he says 2018 was a watershed year when there was a huge divide in the queer movement, and July 5 emotionally was and still is very difficult to remember.

“Having a rally somewhere was never our goal as such. Our goal has always been to live in a safe and equal environment where people feel safe.”

“In 2018, when we were organizing May 17th, many people were involved, and a few days before we received information if we went out it might lead to confrontation, bloodshed, etc. It happened so that we were not ready for this kind of information. The communal decision was not to go out and cancel the event. Nino Bolkvadze, Ana Subeliani and I didn’t agree with this decision. Despite the fact that we were the minority and I worked in the Equality Movement, although I didn’t take part in the organization process, I went to the rally. It was a very difficult time, probably the most dramatic that I can remember in the queer movement when the whole queer community pushed us away. It was difficult to go through this process. Later, we more or less restored relationships with each other, but I could no longer see the advocacy of public gatherings and demonstrations as a priority in the development process of the Equality Movement. I thought it was time to do something new”.

As he says, the experience of May 17th was what convinced him to take a step and continue the struggle for public assembly with more visibility – “Together with that, it seemed that May 17th had exhausted itself, it became a very sacred date because of the Patriarchate”.

“I don’t have much time to imagine from a 20-year perspective how the situation will change by itself sooner or later, little by little. I was never satisfied with this, I wanted to speed up the process that would increase this acceptance”.

They decided to do the event in a completely new context that would include elements of Pride and their niche would be visibility and advocacy. The preparation process took quite a long time, they had to take care of the strategy and other documents, the team.

“We went to social spaces, like Success Bar, Horoom Nights, etc. almost every day and were talking about the idea of Pride. I was very motivated. From the point of view of that time, I valued two things: I had to find activists who wouldn’t step back on the issue of visibility. Actually, when you’re doing this job, you need to be visible, otherwise, you can’t do Pride. The second issue while selecting the activists was how could I trust them during the difficult challenges that were ahead of us on the way, and that requires emotional readiness and courage because the pressure is huge. That’s how 7 of us gathered and founded Tbilisi Pride”.

As he mentions, they started the organization from scratch, completely voluntarily and he feels proud even to this day, that they have done many important things during this period. Among them, is a memorandum with political parties, when 15 parties signed a document pledging to ensure equality, regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity.

Taking into consideration today’s reality, one can rarely be able to recall a fact, when 15 political parties agreed on something. Ana Suberliani and I were working on this issue and when we started, no one believed in us, they were saying that maybe 2-3 parties would sign. We really did the impossible, and the document was signed by people, who I couldn’t imagine would want to be affiliated in any way with a document that mentions LGBTQ rights or homophobia. Homophobia needs to be recognized as a problem. Changes do not happen suddenly. The ice has moved, we established some kind of cooperation with political parties. If we need legislative changes or advocacy on any topic, it’s done through politics. Those who think otherwise are either deceiving themselves or have ineffective methods for implementing politics.”

“It’s important in this process how much you understand what you do and when, what is the cultural-political situation, and when we have such a common enemy, a little more solidarity, standing by, and less setting foot is needed to strengthen each other. We didn’t lack resources, we lacked support.”

According to Giorgi, Tbilisi Pride played a big role in the change of people’s attitudes in the last few years, and as a result, more people think that LGBTQI rights are important. He notes that the organization worked effectively with the media as well as with the public.

“Having a rally somewhere was never our goal as such. Our goal has always been to live in a safe and equal environment where people feel safe.

We were the first ones who actively started politicizing many issues, talking about problems in the first person, and becoming the most visible group in the queer community, which is also important for people to make it visible who is concerned about what issue. It’s often said that all the acts of visibility that Tbilisi Pride had, mainly around the march, are sometimes accompanied by a negative reaction, that the safety challenges were getting worse. We expected that it would be so, changes don’t happen easily. In my opinion, I don’t have much time to imagine from a 20-year perspective how the situation will change by itself sooner or later, little by little. I was never satisfied with this, I wanted to speed up the process that would increase this acceptance”.

Photo: Vakho Kareli

I also asked Giorgi Tabagari what he thinks about the obvious differences in opinions within the queer community, which sometimes even lead to conflicts. As he states, it’s not right to expect harmony within such a wide community as it is queer community – „There are so many different groups with different experiences and even though we are united by the experiences of repression, there are many other things about which our opinions can be different. There can be disagreement about the strategy, as well as about the ways to deal with the problem. In addition to that, polarization is not only on the political ground, but this refers to media, civic society or activists as well”.

“My involvement in activism didn’t only consist of me being a member of the community. I am good at this job, professionally I was interested in activism”.

Although he also points out that despite the different opinions, including the fight strategies, he doesn’t want these relationships to continue in a non-constructive way.

“We already lost a lot of time in the past. That’s why we reached the political decision after the first-year experiences of Tbilisi Pride not to have a confrontation, especially publicly, with the people who represent the community or other organizations. Maybe there were a few exceptions during this process. That’s because after all, we are humans, but we are trying to control each other”.

In his opinion, they more or less have done it, but there was no desirable feedback. As an example, he points out July 5th, when a lot of NGOs were involved in planning pride, but they lack queer organizations.

“It’s a bit unclear to me, and as I’m no longer working in this field, I can have a bit of a reflection – I think, it was even a bit shameful, that some organizations and people got on the wrong side. It’s important in this process how much you understand what you do and when, what is the cultural-political situation, and when we have such a common enemy, a little more solidarity, standing by, and less setting foot is needed to strengthen each other. We didn’t lack resources, we lacked support. To this day, my heart breaks for several people. I have a very good relationship with them and I understand them at some point. I try to imagine some issues from their side, why they behaved the way they did in a particular situation. But my heart breaks for some people, even to this day this heartbreak follows me at some stage. However, I don’t try to use it in any bad way”.

As Giorgi told us, at the beginning of 2021, even before July 5th, he noted to the organization’s board and employees that he was leaving Tbilisi Pride.

“Why do we deprive people of the opportunity to live equally? What do we lose by someone having the right to a civil partnership? “This is a question everyone should ask themselves.”

“I was the director of the organization for 3 years, before that my civil activism counted for about 12 years and I have come a long way during this period. I realized that the form of civic activism that I was in was enough. Due to my age, and experience, I could have a better salary. The stress and experience I went through were enough to close that chapter of my life”.

As he says, he didn’t go too far, and generally, the work he is interested in should be related to social changes — “I’ve been revolving around this probably all my life, maybe this is the role that I want to have”.

Photo: Vakho Kareli

He believes that his life consists of different projects and Tbilisi Pride was one such big project.

“My involvement in activism didn’t only consist of me being a member of the community. I am good at this job, professionally I was interested in activism”.

Civil Partnership

Giorgi Tabagari now lives with his partner and is concerned about the fact that the country’s legislation doesn’t allow their relationship to be legalized. In this case, he is talking about a civil partnership, taking into account all the rights that people living together have, except for marriage and adoption.

“Life together has benefits that should exist in a normal society. For example, when two people accumulate property together, they need access to things like inheritance or even property disputes — if you’ve lived with someone for 10 years and bought an apartment together, a car, anything big or small, all of this is purchased at the time of living together and you need some legal record for it. The same applies to, say, taking a loan from the bank, when family members can take out a joint loan. In addition, if one partner ends up in the hospital, the other should have priority in matters related to his/her/their health. The same applies to the prison, the part of giving testimony, etc.”

Giorgi thinks that both society and politicians are ready to start discussing this issue, but it needs a different type of legislative regulation, vision, and proper work. According to him, it is not correct to believe that bringing up this issue leads to more aggression. He recalls his own experience when they conducted focus groups with people of different regions, groups, and ages in terms of civil campaigning in the Equality Movement and pointed out that “when it doesn’t come to issues such as marriage and adoption, and it is about the understanding of civil partnership, where specific rights apply, the people have no problem with that”.

“There may be several specific reasons for regret during this process, but generally, on the contrary – I think that no matter where I lived, I would not have had such an interesting life experience anywhere else”.

“If you don’t work, of course, it’s easy to say that society is not ready yet. It will never be ready if you don’t start working on it”.

According to him, the civil partnership will more or less create a feeling of equality for queers, that “we are also an equal part of this society so that we don’t feel the difference at every step”.

Speaking about homophobia, Giorgi says that there are many issues that society should ask questions about. According to him, critical understanding of this whole process, why we worry about other people’s orientation at all, is the result of a lack of critical analysis and illiteracy.

“Why do we deprive people of the opportunity to live equally? What do we lose by someone having the right to a civil partnership? – This question should be asked by every person when it comes to the equality of rights of another person. People don’t lose anything, they don’t lose anything with the Pride March. This is a political and ear-splitting topic that is the result of Russian disinformation and direct Kremlin policy in this country. The Pride Week of 2022 was an example that if money is not invested in organizing homophobia, the average Georgian will not throw stones at you in the street. There are always some institutions behind this, such as the Church, which is the main agent of Russian influence in Georgia, as well as Altinfo and conservative parties, which receive direct funding from Russia. Therefore, homophobia is a driven process that has a specific interest. Yes, there are homophobes naturally in this society, but they don’t chase you with stones”.

As for his personal experiences, he says that he faces some challenges, and because of his work, it’s no longer easy to live the way he lived in the past.

“I look at it this way, I had a very interesting life experience in terms of professional growth and improvement of self-confidence. There may be several specific reasons for regret during this process, but generally, on the contrary – I think that no matter where I lived, I would not have had such an interesting life experience anywhere else”.