Drag has always been a part of my life, ever since early childhood, even if I didn’t have a name for it. I think I didn’t find drag — drag found me. Drag helps us in discovering and expressing ourselves. To me, drag culture is also unique in that it is the best way to convey the pain, sadness, joy, frustration, or other specific feelings that are uniquely queer.

How to make art out of things that society deems frivolous

It all started a few years ago. My friend called me and told me that Nia Gvaua was making a show and needed queens. I remember, I was very worried, what was I supposed to say at home, how was I supposed to sneak out late at night, and then sneak back in after the show was over. Yet everything went well- we had a few rehearsals, and the process was very pleasant and fun. In my first show Yulia was a pharaoh and I was a slave. During the show, Yulia whipped us, the slaves caressed them, I fed them grapes. The show featured Vanilla Ice, another very talented Queen, who played Moses and freed us from being Pharaoh’s slaves. All the emotions I got on Bassian that night were unforgettable.

For many, drag is associated with femininity, sex work, as if this form of self-expression is not art and is considered cheap entertainment, which, of course, is a misconception. However, I understand why the public perceives it At the same time, drag brings to the fore all the things that society tries to cover up and hide – you are feminine, you go on stage as a woman, you play a role that is not acceptable to society, you perform as a female artist to songs that society did not approve of at the time, doesn’t consider it appropriately valuable. But this means the world to me- when wearing a dress, on high heels and heavy makeup on, you are a clown for them, yet for me it is a challenge. I love how Georgian and non Georgian queens challenge this, and create art from what the society deemed unworthy.   

Inspirations and messages behind HOMO ERECTUS’ shows

I met Yulia, one of the first Georgian Drag Queens, when I was doing my first show. She was a true inspiration for me. Yulia is an old school Drag Queen, her drag is inspired by New York queens of the 70’s and 80’s of the last century, especially by Divine. She has distinct facial movements, emotions, her shows are always bigger.  

My inspirations are theater, performing arts, Broadway, musicals. I love Broadway singers, Patti LuPone, Bernadette Petters, I love Lady Gaga and Pink, they both played a pivotal role in my development. I also love my childhood cartoons and stop-motion movies, Tim Burton’s creations, Coraline, etc. But the biggest inspiration for me are the people who live next to me. 

They are the ones that teach me to love, not to fear, to be happy, that I am alive, that I feel pain, that I feel things. With my shows, I want to remind people not to get in each other’s way, but on the contrary- support each other in order to excel, move forward, be happy; I want people to feel empowered and believe in themselves when watching my shows. I don’t want fear to dictate my life, fear of going out. I don’t want to fear, as I know that if I do, it will become contagious and infect others.

The unwritten laws of drag

My approach is that- you are a Drag Queen when you do everything by yourself. You must learn how to do your own makeup, sew costumes, do your nails, style your wig, which is the most fun part of drag. Drag is not just going on stage, in fact, one has more to do before that. This is a huge responsibility and has a high price, but I don’t mean the monetary value- you can not buy this identity, it must be a part of you.   

I understand that not every queen can be the best makeup artist or is good at sewing, but one can learn these skills. Makeup is crucial when doing drag, your facial expression defines a lot, and I think no one can do that for you- you must know what your makeup expresses during different shows. 

Drag taught me to work under extreme circumstances, because everything happens very fast and chaotically in the world of drag. There have been many instances, when I found out about the show 1 or 2 days prior and I did everything in a rush; prepare a costume, wig, decorations etc.

HOMO ERECTUS beyond Drag

I am a biochemist in my senior year. I work in my profession, I love my job and I’ve put a lot of work into it over the last few years, but I chose a very underrated profession. The life of scientific workers in our country and not only in our country is very hard. Most of my colleagues, who already have a lot of experience and knowledge, have to work many jobs at the same time to meet the minimum requirements. Sometimes I get very tired, every day after I return to work from vacation I think about quitting and doing drag full time, but I still can’t bring myself to give up on this profession because, as I said, I love my job.

I am a very cheerful, socially active and creative person. I like to read fiction, write, listen to music, draw, and communicate with interesting people. I always have a crisis of finding a romantic partner, for some reason I have a very strong need to always love someone and be loved by someone. Spending time with me is fun.

The future of drag culture and playing with colorful paper

Drag revives the child in you who has creative, insatiable power, creative drive, which is always looking for something, new forms, new entertainment, trying to create new things: cutting, sewing, gluing. Doing drag is like playing with colored sheets. The most important thing here is pleasure. No matter how well you put on a show, no matter how much drama there was, no matter how impressive a dress you wore, the most important thing is to enjoy it, be happy and have fun.

I am very fortunate to be living in a time when drag is still underdeveloped in our country and to be able to contribute to it along with other very talented queens. People still don’t know much about drag. Unlike other countries, Georgian drag is not commercialized, which allows queens to do shows more freely and to be more authentic. Georgian drag differs from drag in other countries in this way – everything is just starting and it is very interesting to watch how something new is born from nothing.

I am Nia Gvatua, a mother first, a photographer second. I have been interested in photography since childhood, I am a DJ and the owner of the first Georgian gay bar, Success.

It all started with my great love for underground spaces, I love electronic music and club spaces. I lived in Barcelona for many years and loved visiting queer spaces when I travelled, queer bars and clubs have always been my favorite places in any country.

First memory, gay club “Chance” and naked gay men swimming in the aquarium

My activities today remind me a lot of my childhood. My mother died early, when I was five years old, and although I don’t remember much, she still left a mark on my life. She was an artist by profession and lived a bohemian lifestyle, she had a very good taste in different areas of art and listened to the music that is still very much  alive today, she had outstanding visions. I often went with her to various artistic spaces, clubs and bars. I lived in Italy for five years, then in Moscow.

I remember it like a scene from a movie: I’m small, I got lost in one of the clubs, I’m very scared, I don’t recognize people, I’m short, I’m touching everyone’s feet, someone took me to the stage and asked who lost a child, I’m very nervous, I’m shaking. Years later, I learned that I had gotten lost in a Moscow gay club called Chance, which had a huge aquarium where naked men swam like fish.

After my mother’s death, I moved back in with my grandparents, who are very conservative. It was very difficult for me to return to Georgia, I didn’t like getting used to the new environment and strict grandparents. In order to cope with stress, I opened a small bar in the yard, near the entrance, where I sold Coca-Cola and made a puppet theater. I had different ideas, I dressed up my neighbors, I did makeup. Now that I think about it, I do exactly the same thing today, but on a more serious level – I own a bar and do shows with Georgian drag queens.

The story of new SUCCESS BAR

The story of Success begins in 2016. I was 26 years old when my gay friend asked me to go to a gay bar in Tbilisi, the old Success. I’ve been there many times before, but I didn’t know it was a gay bar, not many people did. When we arrived, the situation was so bad, I was heartbroken – terrible interior, very tasteless lighting, bad playlist, very expensive drinks. When I saw that the only queer bar was in such state, I started thinking about what I would do with Success bar and what I’d change.

This thought became an obsession. For three months, when I passed by, it was as if this place was calling me and asking for help. I would imagine it was mine and change everything. At first, I contacted the old owner of the bar. I knew him and offered to help him run the bar in exchange for some money. I didn’t even think that this space could become mine. I reckon I’d spend 2-3 months improving the bar and then be on my way.

The owner told me that the bar was in an awful state, they couldn’t even pay the salaries and there was no way of making that much money. Later, it so happened that my partner, Juan, got me in touch with a Georgian businessman, Temur Ugulava, who gave me the money before I could finish the sentence and tell him that it was a gay bar. I called the previous owner and offered him that I would rent the bar and bring it back to its glory.

At first everyone was skeptical about it. Gay men from the older generation would tell me that what is dead could not be revived. Yet, I still believed that Success would rise again. This was back in 2016. Five years may not be much, but a lot of things were different back then — I was referred to as a heterosexual woman who decided to open a bar for LGBT+ people. Back then we didn’t know what queer meant. 

A safe space and place for queer people to connect

Back then I still hadn’t fathomed that opening a queer space could become a form of activism. Since then, many things have changed, a lot has been done for LGBTQ+ people, public information regarding LGBTQ+ issues has increased, attitudes have changed. I think Success, which is a safe space, a home and a connector for many LGBTQ+ people, also contributed to this.

Before that, a lot was done in this direction, but Success was like an explosion in people’s minds. I also learned a lot – until then, LGBTQ+ did not exist in my consciousness, there was only gay. Through success, I and many others have learned that there are many sexual identities, that gender is inexhaustible. Success contributed to the origin of a kind of movement. These people had been in this city before, but they were scattered, and success brought them all together in one small space.

The success also contributed to the development of drag culture. At first I wanted to bring foreign artists, but then, when I directly encountered the situation in the country and what LGBTQ+ people had to deal with, I decided to give space to local queer artists. This is how drag culture emerged and developed in our country.

Georgian and non-Georgian UNDERGROUND culture

Georgian and non-Georgian underground spaces are very different. The first and most important is the drug policy, which is particularly inhumane in our country. Georgian underground culture does not have a long past, and observing all this is very interesting. Queer people have just emerged in these spaces. They’ve been there all along, of course, although we didn’t have a series of queer nights that left its mark on the underground life.

At the same time, underground spaces have assumed the role of a kind of shelter for people with mental problems; who have problems with their identity, with their family; For people who are not able to realize themselves, these spaces provide a kind of escape, where they can get away from everyday problems and everyday challenges at least for a while.

The underground space isn’t just about entertainment, and it often takes the form of activism, especially for queer people. People don’t just dance for fun, standing together in this homophobic environment and state is really a form of protest. In Georgian underground spaces, you will meet a lot of brave people who fight for freedom and do not adapt to this oppressive system.

Everything I’ve learned from queer people

Success and queer people taught me that you need to fight for your own happiness, freedom and development; that you should not be afraid of circumstances and still continue to move towards the goal; You should not believe if they tell you that you cannot do something – everyone can do anything, the main thing is for you to start moving towards your goals. 

Queer people helped me get rid of complexes. I’ve been to many events where I’ve seen a plus-size person sexually display their body and not be ashamed of it. I believe that we are all linked together and set an example for each other. This is especially true to the members of the Queer community. 

We strengthen and empower each other even when the outside world is not so friendly to us. And this chain grows more and more, so more and more free people, devoid of complexes, appear in our society. I am now more open, more confident, more accepting.

A blind and curious homophobe

Homophobia is actually inexperience. A homophobe, in many cases without thinking or analyzing, chooses the path of hatred. According to my observation, there are two types of homophobes: one who blindly chooses homophobia and if someone like that ends up in Success, they start screaming, get violent, and end up with police. And the second kind is a curious homophobe, who is surrounded by homophobic influences, but still feels deep down that something is not as they have been led to believe, and is interested in learning more. When the latter finds themselves at Success and sees that nothing ominous is happening here, on the contrary, that it is a very friendly community, they keep coming back, gaining friends and, gradually, recusing old ties filled with hate. Such cases have occurred many times in our bar- when in the beginning we are all like; “What are they doing here?” and later we see them as frequent guests. 

In fact, a homophobic person is also a victim. We should be less strict with them. I know it’s often hard not to get irritated by their actions, but I still think we should show our love. Christ also teaches us to rise above hatred, to help each other to free ourselves from hatred and false ideas.

Major Challenges for Queer People and the Birth of a Modern Goddess

The most important challenge for queer people today is not to be corrupted by so much aggression, so much hate, and to keep ourselves. It is very difficult to keep calm, not to lose face and not to be depressed, when your family turns away from you, your place in society is not found and the future is very dim. At the same time, the most important challenge is to accept ourselves as we are, to know ourselves. It doesn’t matter if you are gay, lesbian or transgender, you should love yourself and not run away from your identities, you should not be afraid of your femininity or your masculinity.

It may sound very ambitious, but sometimes I think that I am a modern goddess, a kind of medium and I have a special mission in this world. It wasn’t always like that, I got here slowly, through a lot of hard work, and I give queer people the biggest credit for that. So many colors, so many positive emotions, music, planets gave me the opportunity to feel like this, and my freedom lies in this, to continue my spiritual journey and experience everything that is dear and important to me.

Photo: Nia Gvatua’s personal archive

I am Anastasia Kartosia, aka Tasa, 19 years old. I study at the Faculty of Political Sciences, I am queer, an activist and an ambitious person.

Bullying

I was 11 when I realized I liked girls. I don’t remember how I felt at the time, but I never felt ashamed or uncomfortable with myself. I took this news very naturally, and at the time I had no idea what reaction the outside world might have to it. In the end, this reality hit me very hard.

Often, when I talk to queer people older than me, they tell me that they started thinking about queerness and coming out late. I had it very early – I was in 8th grade when I was “outed” and everything hit me at once. At that time, I already had a rather strained relationship with my peers and classmates, no one knew about my queerness, but they didn’t like me. I was bullied because of my appearance, because I was “a geek”…

 I had my first coming out with my classmate’s little sister whom I trusted a lot. It was well received and I was very happy in this little comfort zone of mine. Later the whole school heard about it though. I had just turned 12 yet I was asked how I had sex, they asked me questions related to religion. I was stunned and had no idea what to answer. There was a lot of bullying, both psychological, physical and sexual. This was my daily reality – I went to school and found a very negative environment. At the time, I had no resources to deal with it, and no one around me to be an example for me, about whom I could say, hey, they’re like me and still have a good life, and are proud to be themselves… I found myself in an awful situation . By the way, there were other queer students at my school who were not out then. Today, when I talk with them, it is interesting how their experience differs from mine – at that time I was a phenomenon for the school, children like me were not “out” and hadn’t been seen till then. I felt isolated.

I became aggressive and depressed. I was not ok  mentally, so I started hurting myself. I stopped going to school . All through eighth grade, I would pack my bag, leave the house, but not go to school. The management knew about it, everyone who bore the responsibility knew. Adults, who witnessed this story, did nothing, on the contrary, they scolded me. Then, when I was already transferring from this school, the principal called me and told me that despite missing the whole year, I would still get 10s in every subject. At that time I thought it was a kind gesture on their part, but then I realized that they just didn’t want to deal with me.

Family

I didn’t talk about it with my family. I thought that I had to bear everything alone and I regret it to this day – I regret that I did not ask for help and did not tell the truth to anyone. I distanced myself from my family, I didn’t talk to them for many years and we had a superficial relationship. For them, I was a “little problematic” child and they could not fully understand what was happening to me or around me.

My mother heard what had happened later, from others and took it very hard. Not because I turned out to be a lesbian, but because I didn’t tell her. She couldn’t do anything in that situation and I know that she still hasn’t forgiven herself, she can’t get away from this past. I was young and I thought everything was my fault, I thought I had to deal with it myself and I didn’t want to appear as a bad person in her eyes. When I think about what my mother would have done, if I told her the truth, she would probably help me change my environment first. Later, when I really changed the school and my surroundings, many things changed for the better – I no longer thought that I would be stuck in that school forever and it would never end.

When I was little, I was a very happy, very good child for the whole family. I was crazy about talking, doing things, always radiating positive energy. Then I never laughed again, I felt miserable. If anything was stolen from me, it was my natural grace. Now I think that I have slowly started to let go of these traumas, I am regaining myself and I am happy.

Your own biggest supporter

I haven’t lost anyone because of my queerness. I made friends when I became openly queer, before that I was more lonely. All the relationships I’ve made have been made in this context. I don’t want someone in my life who won’t accept me for who I am.

Actually, the most radical thing you can do is to love yourself, not in spite of things, but with them, absolutely everything. If I want to tell people something, this is it. When I had to, and as my mother says, chose to walk this path alone, I became my own biggest supporter. I used to say that if others don’t like me, I will like myself. That’s exactly what saved me – I didn’t let anyone dictate where I belonged. Today I am creating my own place.

Everyone knows about me being queer, I hide it from no-one, nor do I restrict my self for anybody’s sake. I’ve built my experiences around this notion- when all the cards are laid out on the table, one can see everyone for who they are. I am a quite confident person at that, I do not enjoy the role of a victim and think that situations should align with me. For example, when I became a freshman, I created an environment where saying something homophobic was “not ok”, and so if someone blurs out anything inappropriate, everyone starts to feel awkward. Therefore one must demand to have fixated spaces around them, in order not to be left out. 

I have noticed that older queer people have much harder time when establishing themselves. For example, I do not like club culture, and even though I’ve been told that it is the only place where one can truly be free, I do not like this notion, because I want to be myself wherever I go. 

“We must do more than establish our spaces, we must also fight for public spaces.”

Sexism and homophobia

When I think about the obstacles that women have to overcome, things that comes to mind are domestic violence, sexual abuse and economic discriminaton. For how many centuries, the issue of economic independence has been relevant, when was it first written about? Yet the problem is still there, to this day. I have an acquaintance who was told where to enroll, a pregnant woman may be fired from her job, or not employed because of this, and many more similar cases exist, we should be protected from this by the law, but often these laws do not work in practice.

I don’t identify myself as a woman, it’s just that society perceives me that way and I have relevant experiences. I keep thinking about domestic violence and sexual violence, how different it is in our case—in a world where femininity is so directly tied to men, and moreover, where femininity cannot be defined without men. Our life is not related to men. When you see your femininity as separate from men a lot of anger starts to accumulate around the issue. If you are a lesbian, you will definitely be asked if you have tried to have a relationship with a man. There are constant question marks, how dare you not like men. This interesting mixture of sexism and homophobia is constantly in the air.

Queer representation

I am a very ambitious person, so I want to have it all, even in this country. Freedom for me is having a successful career, even in politics, without it being influenced by my sexual identity; having a family, children; not worrying about being verbally or physically harassed in the street while walking with my partner; not fearing professional failure due to people rejecting me. 

I see the solution in queer representation. When I read the constitution and see that discrimination based on race, skin color, sex, religion and “other signs” is prohibited. I don’t want to be categorized as “other signs”. To achieve this, first of all we need the state taking a firm position on the matter. But, unfortunately they are all populist, I am just a headache for them and they avoid talking about the issue. There are so many cases where queer people being attacked which aren’t even accounted for, and even if they are, they are not investigated properly. They should pay more attention to this matter and not  just let the attackers go after giving them a 100 GEL fine. Such cases have a huge impact on me.

As for the queer community, I can say that I don’t like how divided we are. I often hear that some people don’t like each other, don’t like the attitudes one might have, or the politics they support ets. This bothers me a lot. We must stop the division inside our community and cherish one another, everything else will come naturally. From what I see, the new generation is less prone to stigma, much more accepting, more certain and self-confident. Those who claim that they will not allow this in Georgia have already outlived their time. And if it is not yet true, it soon will be. A new generation is coming, whose values are radically different. This is a natural process that cannot be stopped by artificial restrictions.

“I don’t just want to survive – I want to live”

Now I help other children to avoid the horrors that I had to pull myself through. At least to make it easier for them to be in this position. In addition to loving myself, this was also one of the methods of dealing with trauma for me – in the last four years, I have talked to many children and they have thanked me so much that I am very proud of myself. What I didn’t have and needed, I became for others. I put the energy I had used on anger and resentment into something that helps others.

I have a very simple goal — I’m interested in queer issues, I’m working on that. I will fight for everything and I will not allow myself to give up. I can’t just drop everything and give up. If I don’t do it, who else will?! Yes, there are many factors that limit you, but at the end of the day, the individual is responsible for their life and they can take it in the direction they want.

When I see how people live with fear, complexes, self-inhibition, the only word that comes to my mind is – “Dare!”

You have to find the inner strength to not set limits for yourself regardless of the environment. I don’t just want to survive – I want to live.

The narrative of our lives

Everything is a matter of narrative. We create the narrative of our lives and I don’t like the narrative of the victim very much. Yes, it is true that we are oppressed, and I have experienced this very bitterly myself, but I like myself, I like my queerness, I am beautiful, and I find a lot of cool things in all of this. I like the representation of queer themes in films and animations, in real people, in their stories, in queer movements… I may be romanticizing it, but I think it needs a little romanticization. I want people to not look at their queerness as something aggravating and holding them back, but the opposite. I also can’t say that I’ve never thought; what if I was “straight” and that my life would be much more simple, but today I look at it like this – what does my identity add to me. This is the bottom line for me.

I’ve often felt that I was too much of “myself” for some. They hinted that I should tone it down a little, had to make my self expression less loud, or I wouldn’t be able to fit in.  I thought about it too But, some time ago, Tbilisi Pride invited me to a queer gathering, and everyone there really liked my extra expression in everything. I want to look the way I feel – wearing a very large mushroom hat that I made.

I want to always be this level of “myself”.