Most people know a few things about the prevention of getting HIV-infected and ways to protect oneself.
The propaganda of safe sex and PrEP program is important, but the number of infected people is growing every year. In 2021, another 492 new cases were detected in Georgia. A large part of the population still has misconceptions and fears about HIV / AIDS, which is to blame for the shocking impact of the 1980s. There were no ways to deal with the newly discovered virus, and infection often resulted in death, but for a long time now this incurable disease has become a manageable diagnosis.
Finding out that you’re HIV positive is hard because of this shared attitudes, and after the doctor’s visit you go through a wide spectra of emotions, dealing with which is a quite difficult process and it’s hard to find such examples and personal experiences that would make this process a bit easier.
I am one of the cases of 492 detected in 2021 and this article I’ll tell you about those 5 stages that I went through after getting diagnosed.
Anger
Illustration: Francesco Ciccolella / The Independent
Before finding out my status I knew many things about the HIV virus – I constantly read news, I had seen a few movies about the pandemic of the HIV virus and I thought that the societal views didn’t affect my opinion. That’s why, I was angry for a few reasons when I found out about my status:
I was angry because I didn’t have an active sexual life; plus, I was very much aware of the necessity of safe sex; I was also angry about the sudden loss of self-respect and confidence, because until that, I was sure that I wasn’t letting the stereotypes get to me; It was the hardest to get over my anger towards people, because realizing that you shouldn’t be searching for someone to blame is an emotionally exhausting process.
When getting the news, you should let yourself to experience any emotion, because it’s some important, painful news that will make you rethink everything, to reevaluate the existing values.
Despair
Illustration: The New York Times
HIV-positive status is accompanied by another difficulty – starting medical treatment, which helps you maintain a healthy lifestyle and reduces the level of the virus in the blood so much that the risk of transmitting the virus goes down to zero.
The medication that should be taken daily is a large pill and after taking it, you may think that doing this for the rest of your life is a draining responsibility, besides, this method of treatment has many side effects.
Dizziness, loss of balance, sweating, nightmares, intensification of depressive mood are the side effects that are less manifested in some people. I went through almost all these feelings and after taking the first pill I felt hopeless. I had a hard time coping with the loss of motivation and the ability to concentrate, and I was desperate in the first days of switching to medication.
The side effects last for about 2 weeks, after which the treatment becomes a part of your daily life and does not interfere with your activities. The main thing is to take the pill regularly, which is essential for effective treatment.
Isolation
Illustration: Freepik
Understanding the status and sharing your experiences while during the medical treatment is another challenge. You may think that those around you do not understand what you’re going through.
From the beginning, I decided to be open about my status and most people that were important to me supported me. However, indicating my status on dating websites proved to be a barrier. Newly-met people didn’t shy away from being mean and sharing their unethical evaluations. This made me realize that it’s not as easy as I imagined it to be, that it’s hard to make people understand things if they’re biased in advance. That’s why, in order to protect myself from negative influences, I decided to narrow my friend circle, which helped me take care of my mental health, but still affected my confidence levels.
Taking Responsibility
Illustration: Marta Pucci / Hello Clue
Skipping 1-2 pills during my first month resulted in elevated anxiety levels, which made me realize that taking the dose should become as much of a responsibility as brushing my teeth and eating. The understanding that the reality had been permanently altered just slightly for me, made me realize that being HIV positive is my responsibility and that I shouldn’t forget about that. I have to take care of my physical and mental health daily and surround myself with people who don’t shy away from speaking openly, receiving news and asking questions.
Victory
Illustration: Unitaid
6 months after the diagnosis the levels of the virus in my blood equal zero, which is, basically, a healthy state. The every-day medication is an organic part of my routine. Those feelings of discomfort and despair that I experienced months ago don’t bother me anymore. After becoming aware of my status, for the first time, I’ve prioritized myself, which was something I never did before. This victory is thanks to the support of people around me, and most importantly, thanks to myself.
Author: Giorgi Baskhajauri
