“For the first time in my life, at age 37, I am certain that I’m happy. I never would have imagined that this is where failing to meet parental expectations, a divorce, and finally emigration and raising my child alone would’ve brought me, but everything happened the way it was supposed to” – says Natia, a lesbian woman who has been living in Greece for 16 years now. Until then, she survived a long period of domestic violence and one day decided that she had to save herself and her only child.
“I was 15 years old when a boy whom I barely knew asked me to marry him and I agreed right away. At home I had a dad, who beat my mother and I every time he got drunk so I thought that I didn’t have anything to lose. I don’t even know what else I could’ve done then. I told my mom about the marriage and we cried a lot together, but she also thought that it would’ve been better for me to get away from my house. When the boy came over to propose, my dad didn’t let him into the house so we eloped. Dad never spoke to me again. He didn’t even let me speak to my mom – I only heard about her from the neighbors and relatives. During the 5 years of my marriage I probably saw her only 2 or 3 times.”- Natia recalls as she says that the desire to escape her father led her to even a worse situation – “I couldn’t go back home, I already knew that but at first I didn’t really think about the fact that I might have wanted to do that. The teenagers nowadays are much more prudent, like my daughter. But back then, many eloped or just got married, many were beaten by both their parents and none of us really had a choice. I’m not sure when I first saw the connection between my father and my husband. The first time he beat me was when I was pregnant, but he had sworn at me many times before that too. It happened when I went out to visit my neighbors, so I stayed at home all the time, but there was always a reason to scream at me. At first that’s what I thought about – that nothing happens without a reason, but then I stopped searching for the reasons. I knew that I didn’t really have a choice and it’s hard to explain how I got used to the screaming, the beating, how I managed to cook him meals after huge fights without even replying anything.”
“Whenever he would leave the house I would fantasize about him not coming back, that’d be the only thing that would change everything. However, he always returned and he also brought his friends over. I would come up with a new lie for every bruise, but everyone always knew the truth. The only comparatively normal person was my mother-in-law, who would take my child after the fights and give me some time to calm down, she never criticized me for anything, and I couldn’t ask for anything more than that,” – Natia recalls as she tells us about a moment which made her realize that she had to save herself – “the kid was 4 when he tried to beat them for the first time, and also for the first time I fought back, and as a result he tried to cut me with a knife. As I was holding my child in my hands, I jumped off the second floor. After that I constantly kept imagining how things could’ve been if I had broken a leg or if the neighbors hadn’t let us in at that time.
“I went to Rustavi to a relative. I didn’t even have any money for commuting. I was working at a bazaar and he came over a few times to make up with me, but I never saw him. He didn’t try too hard either, there was no chance of me returning. So I took my child and went to Greece. One person helped my find a job on one of the islands. The job was very difficult, but I still remember it as a pleasant experience – it was the first time I realized everything, came over my trauma and after paying off my debts, started to put some money aside. For years I didn’t even think about new relationships, it was very hard to trust anyone and I didn’t want to have sex” – Natia tells us as she recalls memories of her first love – “3 years ago, when I was in Athens, I met her and we would meet once a week. We became close friends and she was the first time whom I told my whole story to. We didn’t have anyone else apart from each other and that’s how everything started, and slowly I realized that she wasn’t just a friend. From talks we moved on to kissing and then to having sex. There was not a single moment in which I thought that I was doing something wrong, I will always view that as my first sex. Few close friends know about our relationship, at first I didn’t tell anyone and I was also hiding it from my daughter. But one day, she came to me and told me that she likes girls, so I decided not to hide it anymore either.”
“The first time I came back to Georgia was in 2021. After these many years I saw my mom for the first time. We didn’t even mention those years; I didn’t tell her anything about my relationship. I want her to spend her older ages in peace. Now I’m thinking that I do want to leave in Georgia. Years ago I couldn’t even have considered it, but now I’m planning my life there. I spent so many years on suffering, my life was in danger, but what matters is that those memories aren’t painful anymore and now I’m better than ever,” – says Natia at the end of our conversation.
Illustration: NJ
