Being transgender is hard, especially in Georgia. You can’t find a job, walk outside, or even simply go into a shop. You cannot use public transportation, so you have to take a taxi every time, which is expensive. You never know when you’ll be attacked. Living in a homophobic place is difficult.
I am a transgender woman, Natalia Macharashvili, 26-years-old. I’m from Imereti, Sachkhere. I grew up in an amazing family, had a wonderful neighborhood. I was only 6 when I realized that I was not a man. When I grew up and realized I could make my own decisions, I moved to Tbilisi at age 14 to start a new life. I became a transgender woman. I started wearing women’s clothes, using perfume and other feminine items.
It was obvious since a young age that I was different. No one really though much of it, saying that it was just some childish things I did.
I lived in a small, beautiful village with my sister and grandparents. I didn’t go through many difficulties as a kid. Sometimes people would call me “Ketino” (Georgian female name) which annoyed me. Surprisingly enough, school was okay as well. I had great classmates and teachers. I would very occasionally get comments on my mannerisms, because I didn’t walk like a boy – I had a very feminine walk.
As I mentioned, I started to discover myself at age 6. I was in love with my classmate, who, of course, was a boy. Since that time I’d always known that I wasn’t interested in boys and that I was different. I could feel it spiritually that I was a woman and only looked like a man. I was young then so I didn’t have the ability to fully express this. I didn’t fully understand what I wanted to do either. When I was alone at home, I could put on women’s clothes and shoes, wear nail polish, which made me very happy.
I publicly came out at the age of 16. I want to a Georgian TV Show and through that everyone found out about my identity. This was the first big step – I wanted everyone to know who I was and I didn’t want to hide myself anymore. It was hard, but better than pretending to be someone I’m not. Of course, my family and relatives were upset and didn’t talk to me for 2 years. But nowadays, I have a great relationship with all the relatives, except for my father.
As for leaving Georgia, that decision was quite hard. Especially difficult was adapting to a foreign environment. At some point I even had to stay in the streets, because I couldn’t rent a place. I went through these hard days and then found some transgender women who helped me with everything.
It is hard for everyone to live in Georgia, regardless of sexuality. However, of course, queers usually have a much harder time. They have to deal with insults and degradation. For example, at the hospital, the doctors treat you very normally, until they find out about your identity.
Once they know, they stop paying attention to you. The attitudes change in a matter of seconds. The situation is the same with the police. I had instances when the police didn’t do anything about a crime when I called them. You can’t pay rent, work. Once I was kicked out of my apartment once the owner found out that I was transgender. Many of us have to do sex-work in order to survive. It’s impossible to even mention the standard of living here. I do not have a single pleasant memory of living in Georgia. Maybe if I did have those, I wouldn’t have left. I was constantly anxious about anything; I was always worried.
After I left Georgia, everything changed. It’s like the world turned upside down. I’m so happy to be in such a nice country, in Belgium. It’s calm here. No one hits you, no one insults you. No one cares about your private life as long as you can be humane and polite. I can’t even compare to Georgia. I go to a school here, I’m studying. I have great classmates, that are quite old – up to the age of 50. The teachers are amazing too. I’m trying to study hard, and finding a job here isn’t a problem. Sometimes, when I go outside, I forget that I’m a transgender woman. I’m just a regular person, running some errands.
I will come back to Georgia if the church accepts people like us and supports us, saying No to violence. Of course I would prefer to live in my country, with my friends and family. If the Georgian society changes, no one will refuse to come back.
I want to say to those people that haven’t come out yet: Do not be afraid of anything, accept yourselves and do not lock yourself away. You will have to go through a hard time, but you can overcome anything, do not forget that.
